ScreenWriters Exchange

IndustryCentral Advertising Program

"The Iceberg Conspiracy"
IndustryCentral ScreenWriters Exchange: Action/Adventure: "The Iceberg Conspiracy"
Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of pageLink to this message   By Thomas Martin Ray (Tom11) on Tuesday, June 13, 2000 - 02:54 pm:

Eccentric Billionaire WILL PORTER, owner and CEO of MEGAWARE a giant software company, surprises the world by building a replica of the most famous ocean liner of all time, the Titanic. He has arranged a celebrity filled maiden voyage from Southampton, UK. To New York.
Also on board is JACK CARTER, an ex NIS officer, whom Will is trying to entice to head Megaware’s new “security” (industrial espionage) department. Three days out, Jack notices that an old adversary of his, the beautiful, but “dangerous” Chinese intelligence agent, MEI LING is also on board. Jack suspects that she might be after some US government classified software that Will’s company is developing. When confronted, she denies the allegations, but Jack is still suspicious.
Jack’s suspicions must be put on hold however when a small army of terrorists, who have infiltrated the crew, blows up the lifeboats and hijacks the ship. He and Mei Ling have to join forces to save themselves and 2400 other passengers and crew.
After a harrowing nightime rapell down the side of the ship from Mei Ling's cabin to a lower deck, She and Jack are able to stop the ship and recruit crew members to help them fight the terrorists. With the help of the crew members, they manage to thwart the terrorist’s plans to move the ship out of the shipping lanes and sink it.
Mei Ling, however, turns against Jack and makes a deal with the terrorists to get her, and the software that she has stolen, off the ship. They double cross her, taking both the software and the $3million payoff money she gave them, and leave her aboard the Titanic while they attempt to escape via a submarine.
The fight with the crew forces the terrorists to rappel to the submarine's deck from the bow, near where the sub has tied up to the ship.
Jack manages to sink the submarine and kill the terrorists by dropping the 16000 pound, starboard bow anchor on the vessel as the terrorists attempt to escape.
But all is not well. The terrorists have set small bombs in each of the ship’s watertight compartments, and Jack and a crewmember, NIGEL HARPER attempt to disarm them. They do not finish in time and several go off. Nigel is killed. The Titanic is sinking! And this time there are NO Lifeboats.
Jack “saves the day” when he, with help from the ship's designer, decide to use the explosives from the disarmed bombs to cut the stern section, with it’s still intact watertight compartments, off the ship. Mei Ling, meanwhile is trying to salvage her mission by sneaking into a cabin and downloading one of Megaware's computers. She encounters a particularly nasty terrorist that Jack missed. Her martial arts skills fail her. Jack saves her when he bursts into the room to check on the computer.
The passengers and crew are hearded to the stern section of the ship just before the explosives go off--The stern FLOATS and everyone is saved.
Copyright c2000 by Thomas M. Ray

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of pageLink to this message   By Thomas Martin Ray (Tom11) on Wednesday, June 14, 2000 - 06:08 am:

In the interest of brevity, I have neglected to sufficently summerize the story line of the terrorists---I have failed to realize how thorough the moderators are in their comments.
SAMEEM HASSAN is a wealthy deposed Arab prince with an extreme hatred for the West. He sends his military leader, AMHED KABUL, and his alliance of several multi ethnic terrorist groups, to sink the Titanic 2.
They hijack one of the buses transporting nearly 100 crew members, murder them and substitute themselves for the crewmen.
Amhed dresses as a steward and, when the time is ripe, he and two of his men take the bridge of the ship, while his other men destroy the lifeboats and communications and take control of other vital areas of the vessel.
They plan to rendezvous with a submarine, in which Saleem is riding, and when sufficiently out of the shipping lanes and far away from any possible rescue, offload their men and sink the ship.---The Titanic2 is a BIG ship, so moving it and sinking it requires more than a few men.
Unfortunately, they do not count on Jack and Mei Ling sabatoging the oil pumps and stopping the ship before they can reach the rendezvous, and the sub must divert course and come to the ship. A gun fight with the crew forces the sub away from the gangway doors, where the terrorists had planed to off load. Amhed, from the bridge, orders the sub to tie up near the bow and has his rapell to its deck from there.
As Amhed, himself, reaches the deck of the sub, he is greeted by Saleem and showings him the $3Million that he recieved from "some foolish passenger". This is when Jack has an "inspiration" and also access to the bow anchor emergency release.
The roar of the 150 pound chain links feeding out through the hawsehole, cause Abdul and Saleem to look up just in time to see something big and black fill their field of vision.
The 16000 pound anchor smashes into and through the deck upon which they were standing and into the torpedo racks---The bow of the sub is blown off and it sinks, in a burning oil slick, killing all of the terrorists on board.
One terrorist, however, is still on the ship when this happens, he hides in the cabin where the computer that Mei Ling was stealing data from is kept. We meet him again when Mei Ling returns to the room to make a new CD data disk. Jack kills him, after a brief fight over his gun, just before he (the terrorist) can finish off Mei Ling.
BTW, Mei Ling is not arrested for lack of evidence. She is left to explain the loss of the money and the faliure of her mission to her own people.

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of pageLink to this message   By Alan A. Armer (Alana) on Thursday, June 15, 2000 - 05:56 pm:


The Iceberg Conspiracy by Thomas Martin Ray

Exciting stuff! I'm delighted at the additional material that you forwarded because it adds believability to the heavies and their mission. Hitchcock once said "The better your heavies, the better your show."

Your central storyline appears well plotted with plenty of spectacle (sound, motion and color) but I worry that your good story might become a "Summer Movie" - all explosions and special effects that audiences will forget ten minutes after they leave the theater.

I have always believed that drama is essentially what happens between characters. In your story, can we build (for example) the relationship between Jack and Will or between Jack and Mei Ling, giving them a modicum of dimension. By enriching your characters you will add style and substance to your show. I worked for several years on a TV series called "The Untouchables" which was essentially a comic strip but because we added colorations to our heavies, the series took on added richness and became immensely popular.

One added suggestion. I love your concept of Will Porter duplicating the Titanic. Do you suppose it might be possible to build into your story some PARALLELS to the original Titanic tragedy? Without those parallels, there doesn't seem to be any reason to call your ship Titanic II, does there? Well, yes, the ship (partially) sinks at the end but maybe you can add some other parallels: the clientele, the orchestra playing 'Nearer My God to Thee," etc. Think about it.

I wish you luck with your exciting yarn, Tom.

Critique by
Alan A. Armer

Message or Comment

A valid username and password combination is required to post a storyline/synopsis or comment.
You may apply by clicking on the "My Profile" link.

The Writers Store
Software, Books & Supplies for Writers & Filmmakers
Protect your work
The US Copyright Office
The US Copyright Office has Free Forms
Protect your work
Writers Guild of America
First Register your screenplay with the Writers Guild of America

Back  Home

Email this Page to your friends(s)