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Jet Truck 1 (c)
IndustryCentral ScreenWriters Exchange: Action/Adventure: Jet Truck 1 (c)
Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of pageLink to this message   By Lady Sally Clack of Thulston (Lady) on Wednesday, September 6, 2000 - 05:35 am:

revised as of November 28th 2000

JET TRUCK 1 © 2000

Written by: Lady Thulston & Lord Bromley.
01144-1737-843011 (United Kingdom)
Attn: Story Development

Jet Truck,
148 pages, action/drug dealers
Logline: Jet Truck has itís own special way of dealing with drug dealers. All Law Enforcement Departments are looking for CHARLIE in his Jet Truck to stop him from taking the law into his own hands.

JET TRUCK is a hand built truck of moderate size with Laser Guns, a 50-mm Rotary Cannon Gun, Rockets, Machine Guns, Jet Engines, and one Diesel engine. At the flick of a switch, Jet Truck changes SHAPE to a PLAIN-looking truck, which allows him to avoid detection by the authorities.

Jet Truck is financially supported by a private group of Multimillionaires who have lost loved ones to the drug dealers this is their way of getting back.
Charlie, the Driver of Jet Truck, is killing the drug dealers in Florida.

MISS HARRY CHAPMAN, a beautiful undercover FBI Agent, whilst on a 2- day assignment, bumps into SPENCER McVICAR, who ran out on her 12 years ago, without knowing that she was pregnant with his child. She gave birth to his Daughter, called GRACEY, who is now a troubled girl.

Harry has been on an undercover assignment for over a year investigating a crooked White Miami Cop called LEROY SMITH. As a result of her loneliness, she fell in love with Leroy. She has started to withhold evidence in order to protect him. She knows if he finds out that she is a Fed, he will kill her. FRANK, another crooked Miami cop, finds out Leroy and Harry are on the take and wants $2,000,000. He kidnaps Gracey to ensure that they pay. If not, he will kill her.

Trouble begins for Harry and Leroy. Their attempts to raise this money are obstructed by continual problems, including the actions of Jet Truck killing their drug dealer sources. Harry, in desperation, robs a Drug Baron to pay off Frank. SPENCER McVICAR finds out that he is the father of Gracey, and unknown to Leroy gets involved with Harry in order to recover their daughter. When Leroy finds out that Spencer is trying to take his woman, he tries to kill him. Accidentally, Spencer reveals Harryís cover to Leroy, but before Leroy can get to her, Harry is kidnapped by MARTINEZ, the drug baron. Harry later escapes.
Leroy is arrested by the FBI, which is run by Spencerís father. Leroy still manages to take Frank and Harry hostage.
Major chase action ensues. Leroy kills Frank on the boat where Gracey is being held hostage, and Jet Truck kills Leroy.

Movie Magic Screenwriter 2000 has formatted script
Proofed by: Redstone Publishing Services.

PHONE 011-44-1737-843011 FAX 011-44-1737-844181

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of pageLink to this message   By Alan A. Armer (Alana) on Friday, September 8, 2000 - 11:45 am:


JET TRUCK by Lady Sally Clack
Colorful material that promises excitement and suspense. Alas, the premise seems to be more of a sales piece than straightforward storytelling. The truck, described in enormous detail, has an obvious function in this story but that function is never delineated. What does the truck do?

The protagonist, Ms. Harry Chapman (a first name that could become confusing) certainly has all the attributes of a first class heroine. I want to root for her - but her involvement with a crooked police force and crooked industrialists is not sufficiently described here.

Lady Sally, can you tell this story more simply, describing it in terms of the major battles that 'Harry' fights and her two or three primary antagonists? The best stories are about people, not trucks. I need to meet the key characters of this story and (as space allows) their interactions with 'Harry.'

The elements that your premise describes are highly intriguing. Premises are difficult to write. I'm sure that your screenplay (apparently completed) tells a more people-oriented story than your premise. I wish you luck with it.

Critique by
Alan A. Armer

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