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"Bloody Mary"
IndustryCentral ScreenWriters Exchange: Horror/Thriller: "Bloody Mary"
Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of pageLink to this message   By Joseph King (Jking) on Sunday, March 5, 2000 - 07:22 pm:

Plot/Sypnosis: A lot of kids are at a party telling scary stories, and someone brings up a legend but one of the kids volunteers to try the legend because he's skeptical about all of those age old stories. The boy tries the legend but it doesn't work. He tries one legend someone was telling a story about and it summons pure EVIL and he look HER right in the eye. The boy's friends are dropping like dead flies. The boy and his SURVIVING friends must find out EVERYTHING about HER. This EVIL has some secrets about HER that are shocking, scary, deep, but understanding. When the boy finds out about these secrets, ALL HELL breaks loose.

Comments: Actual genre' is a Horror/Thriller

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of pageLink to this message   By Alan A. Armer (Alana) on Tuesday, March 21, 2000 - 05:24 pm:


Joseph King, your cousin Stephen would be proud of you. Audiences love scary material and yours certainly fits that genre. My main concern: you're just skimming over the surface of this story, without really exploring it. Generalities won't sell any story. You will need to be more specific.

For instance, what is the secret that your protagonist is seeking? What does he do and where does he go to find this secret? Does anyone help him in this exploration? A girl? Is she really his friend or is she in league with the evil forces? We need to develop some character relationships to play against your dark and evil background.

When you start to write your screenplay, you will need to find these answers. Your premise is certainly promising but you must dig deeper in order to make your story the success that you envision.

Good luck to you.

Critique by Alan A. Armer

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