|By Bill Schmalfeldt (Radiobill) on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 12:52 pm:|
Bill Laurel wins a 270-268 electoral vote victory despite losing the popular vote by nearly 7-million votes. (It CAN happen, almost did in 2004!) But Laurel's focus is less on becoming president and more on becoming a corpse. Since his wife died in a failed attempt on his life two weeks ago, he's tried killing himself seven times. Losing candidate Emil Johnson and his staff need to find at least one elector willing to change his vote, thereby throwing the election to a heavily Republican House of Representatives. A potential "faithless elector" dies while "negotiating" with Johnson. The dead elector's husband has pictures of the "negotiating session." Another potential "faithless elector" is spooked by the potential of a suicidal Laurel with his finger on the button. His fears are manipulated by a lovely agent provacateur placed by the Johnson campaign. Laurel's latest suicide attempt results in his being in a persistent vegetative state. The dead elector's husband mails the incriminating photos to Johnson's wife. The dead elector is replaced by a Republican. The worried elector votes for someone not on the ballot. When the votes are counted, no one has a majority and the House decides on Johnson. At the celebration, Johnson's wife brains him with a cast iron skillet. According to the 25th Amendment, Johnson's Vice President-elect takes the oath of office on January 20th.
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