IndustryCentral ScreenWriters Exchange: Comedy: Gridlock
On a buying spree in Mexico, Warren Humpfrey's is moving from shop to shop getting ready for his first day as a California Highway Patrolman. He decides to stop in at a local Cantina and meets a very, nice cocktail waitress. Unknown to Humpfrey's the bartender has doctored his drink. He awakes the next day, the day he's supposed to be in uniform and patrolling the highways of California, in a dumpster. His twin brother, a wilder side of Warren, Darren notices his brother hasn't come home all night nor is he getting ready for work. Darren knows that this is his brother's big chance in life and he also realizes that, if he can pretend to be his brother for a day, Warren won't lose this opportunity. Darren decides to tie his hair back, take a shower and take his brother's place at work.
He is teamed up with a no nonsense, gun packing, and donut sucking woman sergeant who is hell bend on dying with her guns blazing.
In another part of town, a group of women are car pooling to work. These "workplace" friends are discussing men, work, fantasies and romance. One of the women, Betty, a voluptuous blonde with a body of a goddess, is a little on the dense side. She does her best to keep up with the conversation even though she's in her own world.
In another section of town, a group of retired citizens have loaded aboard an RV that's packed with every available security, arms and sensory equipment on today's market. One of the women in the group has had her bank robbed by the "Freeway Bandit", who has been robbing local banks and making his escape via gridlocked freeways. They are in hot pursuit of him.
Just entering LA on a holiday, a family from Lodi, California, encounter gridlock; paint ball fights, and a myriad of other calamities. A few of which are brought on by their active three year old, who is not only making his baby brother's life a living hell but, also those travelers who are behind the Jeep.
A group of mixed individuals are at the local Driver's Training school. In charge of this motley crew of people is Mr. Tubbs, a big, ex-football player type, African American. Tubbs is proud of the new car that he's has just been given and let's the students know not to mess with Mr. Tubbs.
Tucked away, in a run down industrial building, a crazed scientist has created "The Avenger". An old Desoto, ala James Bond's Astin Martin that is programmed with destructive devices to blow, rip or demolish bad drivers. His motto is "Why get mad, when you can get even".
Through it all is the "Highway Bandit". He is a mysterious figure, never taking his full, faced helmet off, for a minute. His narrow escapes from roadblocks and pursuit have him constantly winning against law enforcement. Until Darren, Sgt. Striker, the Lodi family and the determined retirees finally meet up with the Bandit in a series of explosive accidents. Only then does his real identity become know.
And, finally in Mexico, Warren teams up with an old Mexican man and a beat up pick up truck to try and make it across the border. The old man sees this adventure as a way to make a quick buck, grab some tequila and have fun.
This comedy/action film is along the lines of "Airplane" and "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World."
124 Roma Ave Upper
Buffalo, NY 14215
GRIDLOCK - I usually hate stories involving twins but (happily) Gridlock uses those characters to advantage. Darren becomes your protagonist, takes his brother's place and finds himself involved in a set of wildly improbable problems. You have introduced a LOT of characters but I assume they will all relate somehow to the Freeway Bandit. The mad scientist doesn't seem to fit your pattern but you must have some use for him or you wouldn't have included him.
I am intrigued by your concept but it doesn't seem very funny. At least, not yet. You have given us a set of characters with only the barest suggestion of a story - and how those characters will fit into the structure of your story. Creating sets of characters is fun (and easy) but the real creative work comes in building the story skeleton that ties those characters together in a tight, screamingly funny screenplay.
Critique By Alan A. Armer
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