ScreenWriters Exchange

IndustryCentral Advertising Program

IndustryCentral ScreenWriters Exchange: Comedy: GERTIE & LUKE
Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of pageLink to this message   By gary dover (Ggdover) on Thursday, May 11, 2000 - 07:35 pm:

Gertie & Luke, 102 pp. comedy by Gary Dover


GERTIE & LUKE live a life of pampered luxury as the children of JOHN CASTLE, shoe magnate of the worlds’ largest shoe company Castle Shoes. Their father has kept his darling children secluded from the real world for the past twenty years due to a mental condition that wreaks chaos everytime they venture out.

As small children, Gertie & Luke idolized their invalid mother. They watched classic movies and old newsreels with her in bed. The tragic circumstances that followed their mother’s death resulted in a mental condition that caused both Gertie & Luke to speak in the voices of famous movie stars and historical figures from the past.

As the children grow into adulthood, John Castle, has decided it is time for Gertie & Luke to confront the world regardless of their mental handicap and go to work. The Mall of America in Minneapolis is the setting. Employees and customers are presented with the two zaniest shoe clerks in the history of retail.

Gertie speaks in the voices of Mae West, Bette Davis, Katherine Hepburn, Indira Gandhi, etc...while her crazy brother Luke imitates Humphrey Bogart, Edward G. Robinson, Cary
Grant, John Wayne, Winston Churchill, etc...

Gertie & Luke cause chaos in a local comedy club, blow up a van, rescue children on a Ferris Wheel, sink a boat in the tunnel of love, and fly ultralight airplanes in a crazy mock air battle with their two new love interests DIANE and TOM.

A disgruntled ex-employee, AMOS CRENSHAW, a pig-faced antagonist, has vowed to destroy the entire Castle family. This redneck villain is thwarted at every turn by Gertie & Luke until the last act when Amos puts together a sinister plan that results in the kidnapping of John Castle, fellow employees, and endangers the lives of the entire population of Minneapolis.

A supporting cast of characters include JAMES, the English butler, KASSIE, a lesbian assistant to Mr. Castle, OSCAR, a nervous shoe store manager, SOOKIE a squeaky voiced assistant manager, and an odd assortment of walk on characters who must interact in the lives of Gertie & Luke.

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of pageLink to this message   By Alan A. Armer (Alana) on Monday, May 15, 2000 - 06:03 pm:


Gary . . .

You have created two delightful characters in Gertie and Luke. They promise a great deal of fun. If their story situations are as promising as your characters are, you will have a winning screenplay.

I tend to worry about structure. I assume that your plot will focus primarily on the two love affairs - and I must wonder about the nature of the characters who fall in love with Gertie and Luke. What kind of people would get involved with them? How do they react to two people who speak in such a (delightful) but offbeat fashion?

The humor of your story, of course, will come from reactions. How people deal with Gertie and Luke (Are these two people for real?) will provide some solid laughs. But you know that.

Have you developed some real conflicts in your love stories? Most people would run away from two such weird characters and conflict will grow legitimately out of your characters.

But there is one character who does not seem an integral part of your story - at least from the brief paragraph you've written. I'm speaking, of course, about Amos Crenshaw. Yes, I realize that you're seeking an antagonist for your two protagonists. But he seems (I'm sorry) terribly contrived. What is his motivation for trying to destroy the entire Castle family?

Comedy can play on many levels. If your comedy is at the farce level, you can get away nicely with Amos. But the more your script leans toward the comedy of situation in which the elements of drama remain strong, then I would worry about Amos.

I would guess that you can get anough conflict (and fun) from the central love stories - and from the reactions of every character with whom your leads come in contact. Seems to me they will face conflict everywhere they go.

This is fun, Gary, and I hope you sell your script. I would pay $8 to watch it.

Good luck!

Critique by Alan A. Armer

Message or Comment

A valid username and password combination is required to post a storyline/synopsis or comment.
You may apply by clicking on the "My Profile" link.

The Writers Store
Software, Books & Supplies for Writers & Filmmakers
Protect your work
The US Copyright Office
The US Copyright Office has Free Forms
Protect your work
Writers Guild of America
First Register your screenplay with the Writers Guild of America

Back  Home

Email this Page to your friends(s)