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Destiny Altered
IndustryCentral ScreenWriters Exchange: Drama: Destiny Altered
Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of pageLink to this message   By Jason K. Singleton, Esq. (Racin) on Monday, July 16, 2001 - 03:20 pm:

Submitted by : Jason K. Singleton, Esq. 707-441-1177, Eureka, California

This story synopsis is based, in part, upon "The Bible Code" by Mr. Drosnin. In his non-fiction book, Mr. Drosnin details that by running the original five books of the old testiment through modern criptology decphering techniqes, (such as that used by the military)coded messages appear which predict the future. Mr. Drosnin's book is fascinating in its own right. Basically, the original Hebrew books are entered into a computer, with all letter spaces eliminated. The computer then searches for words which appear on a skip sequence. E.g., every fifth letter pulled out and put together. The information generated is cryptic but interesting. "Tim Mcviegh" appears on the same page as "Oklahoma" and "Murder" etc.

Now to my story. The CIA has found the code works (which it may well in reality). They search the code and find something like, "President" "USA" "Sudden death" "aircraft", and a name, (we will use John Doe for now). Because of the cryptic nature of the messages encoded, the CIA does not know how Mr. Doe is involved, how the events will occur, etc, they only know it will.

Now Mr. Doe is a "ham and egg" attorney. Haplessly practicing law (probably family law in some small town) without a clue about his appearance in the code. The feds descend upon him like white on rice, take him back to D.C. and interview him. He is thinking, hey, "tax evasion doesn't get me a ride in a private jet back to D.C. so what the hell is going on". He is, however, quite bright and plays cat and mouse long enough to get some idea what is up.

He is cooperative and develops a working relationship with the feds. They agree to let him have his life back, but the assign him a couple of "attendants" who keep tabs on him. They interview him from time to time on current events to see if his appearance in the code is a result of his knowlege, plans, opinions etc. They find, over time, that Mr. Doe's insights into current political events stunningly astute and useful. The CIA and NSC begin to incorporate Mr. Doe's analisis into their decision making. At one critical juncture Mr. Doe's advice is taken which places the president into the position where Air Force One is involved in a mid-air collision with a small aircraft. Hence, Mr. Doe's appearance in the bible code.

I like the idea of the prophecy bieng fulfilled only because the feds interceded so pro-actively. I see the interplay between the quick witted but small town attorney and the high powered and professional CIA agents as highly interesting. Send your bids to 611 "L" Street, Ste A, Eureka California 95501.

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of pageLink to this message   By Alan A. Armer (Alana) on Monday, August 13, 2001 - 03:42 pm:


Fascinating subject matter, Jason. Should be intriguing to most audiences.

My primary concern is the lack of focus on characters. Your protagonist sounds perfect, a person with whom audiences can easily identify. But is there an antagonist? Is anyone fighting to keep your protagonist from reaching his goal? And what IS his goal? To keep the president from getting killed? No matter how fascinating your story is, it eventually boils down to the relationships between characters.

Is there a woman in the story? Perhaps one of the federal agents is female. Can you find a way to get your protagonist in trouble? Part of my concern is that the guy is presently just a pawn. He doesn't push the story forward. Jason, see if you can twist events so that he's CENTRAL to your story. Perhaps the feds come to believe that he's involved in some kind of assassination plot. They're wary and suspicious of him. And the girl with whom he's falling in love is the most suspicious of all

Just thoughts, Jason. It's time now to think is terms of characters and character relationships.

Much good luck to you with this colorful and intriguing idea.

Critique by
Alan A. Armer

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