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"The Day I Tried To Live"
IndustryCentral ScreenWriters Exchange: Drama: "The Day I Tried To Live"
Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of pageLink to this message   By David Orr (Dorr) on Sunday, March 5, 2000 - 05:45 pm:

Alan just turned 21 years old. In the last month, he's lost his wife and his unborn son. His wife was 8 months pregnant when she was rushed to the hospital because of difficulty breathing. Six minutes after he his delivered by c-section...Alan's son dies. His wife Allison slips into a coma. Five days later, they decide to turn off life support after she is pronounced brain dead. Alan is now fighting himself daily...trying to find the desire to go on living. Although he is only 21...he feels so very old. Alan's best friend,Eddie,is determined to help him through the rough times. The next few months are a struggle over life or death for two friends...one whose hanging on to his will to live and the other that won't let him go.

Comments:
This is a story that I feel needs to be told. It means alot to me personally and I'm simply looking for ideas and tips in telling this tale. Please contact me and let me know what you think.

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of pageLink to this message   By Alan A. Armer (Alana) on Tuesday, March 21, 2000 - 04:08 pm:

MODERATOR ANALYSIS

The Day I Tried to Live will break our hearts - provided you can find the right set of circumstances to bring it to life. The problem: all of the agony exists inside Alan. We need to externalize it, to devise a set of external events and circumstances in which to tell this story.

Start by examining Alan's world. Who is he? A student? Does he have a job? Does he have parents? Where does he live? If he's a student, how does he react to the terrible tragedies that you have dumped on him? Does he cut classes? Does he collapse and go to the hospital? Does he run away? Does he lash out at his parents for not providing more care or money so that he could have saved his wife?

What kind of relationship exists between Alan and Eddie? What can Eddie do (other than words) to help Alan move past his tragic loss?

We have to find ways to EXTERNALIZE Alan's grief. By creating things for him to do you will help us to see beneath the surface and recognize his anguish. Talking about it is a bore. Let him try to get past his loss - and fail. And try again. And perhaps fail again. If he doesn't try, he becomes a whimpering simp.

This can be a compelling story but you will need to dig more deeply into Alan's world.

Good luck

Critique by Alan A. Armer


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